Is wellness an unattainable goal in today's society? It certainly seems so. How many of us feel like we are in a perpetual loop of one step forward two steps back. You know “self-care” is important, so you book that massage, get your nails done, hit the gym, take a bubble bath and partake in all of the activities that promise the elusive de-stressing. Our intentions are to be present and enjoy but all you are thinking about during your “me” time are the responsibilities that are waiting for you when you get home, tomorrow or the next day. It doesn’t really help, and the next time you consider taking time for yourself, you start questioning whether it was even worth taking the time, when instead you could be much more “productive”  using that time to bang out that to-do list. Surely, if the list is less you will feel better, so self care falls to the bottom of the list, or gets crammed in when everyone else is busy.

The idea that stress is directly related to the amount of items on the to-do list and that working to shorten that list will certainly bring us less stress and more happiness is simply false. We go on vacations to escape the list. We have whole weekends that we dedicate to scratching things off the list and we basically schedule our loves around the list, squeezing in living when it fits. This concept of shortening the list has to be the biggest falsehood known to adults and we continue to perpetuate the lie. Not only does the list never disappear, it grows exponentially. We are going through the motions waiting for the day the list is clear before we can feel calm, at ease and peaceful. It’s a perpetual cycle that certainly won’t ever end and still we have an aversion to prioritizing our own needs in real time. They never seem to make it on the list of have to’s, because our ego thinks we handle it. 

I myself have an aversion to the phrase self care. It’s the new buzzword in the wellness space and much like the word “yoga” it has a very specific connotation that simply was not the intended definition of the word, as discussed in our blog post The purpose of yoga, how we are missing the mark. When you think about self care the first thing that probably pops into your mind are all the things mentioned above, bubble baths, massages and other things that can equally be considered indulgent. Because we have interchanged self care and self indulgence we have therefore changed the definition of self care as negotiable or worse, a commodity that only some have the privilege of being able to participate in. Instead of filling us and being the answer to all that ails us, self care in its current iteration adds to the problem, bringing with it a sense of guilt and shame that we then feel we have to justify. If you want to take a bubble bath, get a massage or get your nails done, do it! You don’t need permission to do something you enjoy, but we also don't need to justify our desire to do those things by claiming they will benefit us on a deeper level, when they likely are a very temporary reprieve from the real problem.

Wellness, in its purest form, is not self care. It isn’t a privilege that only some can afford and it certainly isn’t an indulgence. Finding your path to wellness is not self care, it’s self nurturing. We all understand the concept of nurturing, but it is almost completely lost on ourselves. To nurture is to encourage growth and development. To create an environment where something can thrive. Most parents understand this concept as it pertains to their kids. We sign them up for all the things so they can feel fulfilled and well rounded, we cater to them, encourage them, we are careful with how we speak to them and constantly wonder how we can do it better. When was the last time you were so present and intentional with yourself? 

In order for an individual to really begin the process of self nurturing, they must first clearly define their nurture equity. Equity being the idea that in order to be on an even playing field, the needs of individuals may vary. Some people need more and some people need less. If everyone gets the same thing or the same amount, that doesn’t always mean everyone winds up in the same place. For me, the practice of yoga, in all its many facets has helped me to understand on a deep level, where my level of nurture equity is. If I am in a constant state of giving with no replenishment, eventually everyone suffers, because I am no longer capable of giving them the type of nurturing they need from me. Everyone needs nurturing in various degrees from various places. Finding your nurture equity is defining the amount that you need to continue to grow and thrive. This is an ever changing need that requires constant recalibration. For me spending an hour getting my nails done, does nothing for me. Spending 10 minutes a day meditating, life changing. It isn’t the amount of time spent on yourself, it’s about the benefit the things you choose to put your energy into have on your mind, body spirit.

If you know you are out of balance and have no idea how to begin to address that, the first step is allowing yourself the space and time to go inward. When you learn how to quiet your mind, and detach from the chaos, you give yourself the gift of being able to actually hear the inner wisdom we all have. This wisdom is as individual as you are and it knows exactly what you need to feel whole and balanced, give it the space to be heard!  

There is a huge misconception in what we think yoga is. Many view it as an exercise program meant to help get you “fit” with the added benefit of calming you down and bringing you inner peace. What we usually think of when we think of yoga, are the postures associated with it, downward dog, plank etc. These postures are also known as Asana and ASANA IS NOT YOGA. Asana is one piece of a much larger practice and to truly practice yoga, It cannot stand alone.

Imagine apple pie. The crust is delicious buttery, flaky, golden brown. Inside the chunks of apples are perfectly sliced and the texture is just right, surrounded by ooey, gooey filling that has the perfect amount of sugar, butter, cinnamon and vanilla. Together these ingredients create the perfect balance. Now Imagine that I have promised you this delicious apple pie and instead, hand you an apple. I insist this apple is in fact an apple pie. I may even cook the apple with some butter and sugar to get it a little closer, but still, I insist what I am handing you, is indeed, apple pie. Now imagine that everyone selling apples starts to call them apple pie. Eventually, the meaning of apple pie entirely changes to mean one singular ingredient from a long-forgotten recipe. Maybe you taste the real apple pie and from that day on, you only want a real Bonafide apple pie. Every time you see a sign for apple pie you go in with the hopes that you will finally get your pie, and every time you get handed an apple and the person giving it to you insists it’s an apple pie. You wonder if you’ll ever be able to find that taste again. You settle for an apple because that’s really all you can find, and people really love apples so maybe your expectations are just too high. This is what yoga is for me. Asana is the apple and Yoga is the apple pie. We have been programmed to think of yoga as only being one tiny ingredient in what used to be a whole balanced pie and we are also told that the end results will be the same.

There are eight limbs of Yoga and Asana is one of those eight limbs. Unfortunately, Asana has become the major focus and all too often, it’s the only part of the full practice that is presented as what is now being called yoga. If you would balk at the idea that an apple and an apple pie are the same thing, you should also be questioning your “yoga” practice if it only incorporates one or two limbs of the full practice of yoga. Im our busy hectic world, it is an important part. Many need the movement to get to the place where they can quiet their minds, but is your class giving you the tools once you’ve prepared yourself, or is that where your class ends? Even in typical classes, savasana, the time to really incorporate your practice and get to the silence. is sped up leaving only a few minutes (2-4 minutes) for this important part of the practice.   

As part of my own practice, I try to lead with observation not judgment. This observation is not to attach any value on Asana based practices. Anything that gets your prana moving and gets you to a place where you can shed the outside world for a little while is beneficial. The problem is, the distinction, or lack thereof between Asana and yoga. The practice of yoga is getting lost because in our external driven society, the focus is on the physical almost entirely. Yoga does not offer the promise of a fit, young body, Asana does. Yoga wants you to slow down in a fast-paced world that does not value stillness, U.S. Asana wants you to sweat and “workout” your issues. Asana has its purpose and its value, but if it is the only part, are you actually doing yoga?  

The practice of Yoga teaches us that when we learn how to truly connect with our breath and body and calm and quiet the distractions, we begin to understand the things that do not serve us and let them go. The more we let go, the more we can hear our true Self. It is there that we are the most powerful. 

We cannot have apple pie without the apples, but apples alone do not make for a balanced pie.

If you are interested, the following are the eight limbs of yoga as described by Pantanjali in The Yoga Sutras

Asana- The physical postures of yoga

Yamas- Restraints or moral disciplines

Niyamas- Observances

Pranayama- Breath control

Pratyahara- Going inward

Dhyana- Meditation

Dharana- Focus/concentration

Samadhi - Union

Enjoy the Journey, whatever part of it you are on!